Okay, my jacket is off, my emails are read, the list of things to write about is out, the tie is loosed and the top button of my shirt is unbuttoned. I'm ready to roll.
First of all, Mom, I only unbutton my top button when I email. Right when I get up I cinch up my tie and button back up. I just have to get settled.
The light is getting a little weird. It's pitch black by 5:30. There is sunlight, but not direct sunlight. So I'm lacking on the Vitamin D. The sun is so low its always behind the mountains. Elder Good has a happy light, so we are able to get some Vitamin D. It's weird, when we don't have Vitamin D we get exhausted pretty easily.
The other weird thing is, there is no snow. It is almost December and I have seen no snow. Boy oh Boy I am grateful for that. It's still a little chilly, but a light jacket fixes that right away. Man I'm being blessed.
One of our missionaries had to go home because his younger brother took his own life. That hit us pretty hard. It was totally unexpected. It scared me because he was the same age as my younger brother Brandon. We've been praying for him.
Bishop Casperson sent me an email that addressed exactly what I have been working through this week. As I mentioned last week, I have been in the mindset of 'go go go'. But I have come to an epiphany this week. Which is funny, because Bishop Caspersons email was icing on the cake.
He mentioned in his email a book that he was reading. The book talked about a missionary who thought his missionary service was to work, and not so much to love. The missionary found gratification from being exhausted at the end of the day. He found gratification from knowing that he was a hard worker.
I kind of connect with this missionary. I have felt that I need to work work work to be a successful missionary. But I have been learning, and Bishop Caspersons email has mentioned, that I need to love people, and not just work. Yes, I need to use time wisely, I need to be diligent, but I need to be motivated by love. I shouldn't be motivated by the number of lessons that I have, or the number of investigators I have. This week I have been praying for love. I have been praying to love my investigators, random people on the street, to love everyone. I am really seeking this out. I am so glad that Bishop Casperson sent me that email, because it really did tell me that I am doing and seeking what is right. Man I love my mission. I am learning so much! I kind of just word puked this week for an email, and I don't really know how to best articulate my feelings. But this is what I am feeling:
This week I have been studying and praying earnestly. I have been really focusing on strengthening my testimony on the divinity of Jesus Christ. I've learned from the scriptures and from General Conference addresses that I need to earnestly seek. I need to not only pray for a testimony, but I need to act on faith. I need to live the gospel principles, I need to experiment on the word, I need to be continually pondering the word of God. I am determined to have an unshakeable faith in Jesus Christ's divinity. I am determined to KNOW. I want to have absolutely no doubt.
I do have an unshakeable testimony of many things:
I know that when we are sincerely searching the scriptures, we will find answers. I KNOW that. Because it has happened to me. I know that Heavenly Father loves us, and if we let Him, He will help us to meet our potential. I know that when we pray for righteous things, He will give them to us. I know that He knows us best, and is so happy when we rely on Him and live the gospel.
The last couple of days I have been seriously tearing up my scriptures trying to find answers, and I am finding them little by little. Something that isn't little by little is the presence of the Spirit. When I am sincere, I feel the Spirit so strong!
Look forward to next weeks email, it won't be so unorganized, and it will be full of amazing experiences that I am going to have next week.
Live the gospel! Read the scriptures! Pray! Heavenly Father loves us all.
I love you all too :)
- Elder Tyler James Garver
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